1 00:00:03,053 --> 00:00:10,253 09 Naked Gun 3 The Final Insult - Comedy 1994 English 2 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,352 [CLOCK CHIMING] 3 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:13,906 [BABY CRYING] 4 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,717 [WOMAN] Hey, look! It's the President! 5 00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,595 And the Pope! 6 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,435 Yee-aah! Yah! 7 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,520 Ooh-la-la-la-la-la! 8 00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:19,156 [MAN] Oh, my God! Look! It's disgruntled postal workers! 9 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,200 [CLICK] 10 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:40,385 Wait a minute! Give me my baby back! 11 00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,266 Aah! Aah! 12 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:50,604 - Frank! Are you all right? - I'm soaking wet. 13 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,899 - I'll get the talcum powder. - No, I had a nightmare. 14 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:56,777 There was crime all around me. I couldn't stop it. 15 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:59,655 - It was just a dream. - You're right. 16 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:04,326 All I need is a good rest. In the morning everything will be fine. 17 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:07,801 [DOGS WHINE] 18 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,111 How's my little boy? 19 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,238 Getting along okay, sweetie? 20 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:30,740 As well as a heterosexual can in prison. 21 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,618 I don't know how much longer I can take it. 22 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,288 - How's Tanya? - Tanya's the same. 23 00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:39,416 Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, 24 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,960 firm buttocks, ample breasts, 25 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,296 ears you want to stick your tongue into. 26 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,131 Ma! I'll get guy cramps! 27 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:49,843 Sorry. Rocco, there's somebody here to see you. 28 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,391 Papshmir. 29 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,478 My people are very upset. 30 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,481 They're always upset. They're Arab terrorists. 31 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,483 Ma, please. 32 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,819 You're supposed to be the best terrorist bomber in the world. 33 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,322 Stations, stores, government buildings... 34 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:11,656 The devastation in Florida. 35 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,577 - That was Hurricane Andrew. - That's what they told the public. 36 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,913 We wanted to embarrass the United States, 37 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,416 and you made the police look like international heroes. 38 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,961 A first-class job costs 5 million. 39 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,297 If you want to step up to the price, 40 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:31,259 I got a target that'll make City Hall look like chicken feed. 41 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:39,226 That's a big target, but why should I think anything would be different? 42 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,269 $5 million buys me. 43 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,524 - I'm breaking out of here. - All right, 44 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:50,362 but fail this time and my people won't be so forgiving. 45 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:55,408 Fail? Show me one man who can stop me. 46 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,467 I used to be a renegade 47 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,554 I used to fool around 48 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,599 But I couldn't take the punishment 49 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,352 I had to settle down 50 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,648 Now I'm playing it real straight 51 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,651 And yes, I cut my hair... 52 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:35,198 [PA] Attention shoppers. Be sure to check out our special on aisle 7. 53 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,826 It's hip to be square... 54 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,287 [PA] That's aisle 7. 55 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:46,751 Hey! 56 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,213 Give it to me! 57 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,591 [LADY] My purse! Somebody help me! 58 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:56,177 [THIEF] I want the purse, lady. [LADY] Help me! 59 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,347 He's a jolly good fellow 60 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:03,059 For he's a jolly good fellow 61 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,021 Which nobody can deny 62 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,565 Hear! Hear! 63 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:14,779 Well, we shot a lot of people together. It's been great. 64 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,617 But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, 65 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,453 it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. 66 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:25,874 Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party. 67 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,418 Well, Ed. 68 00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:31,379 - I officially give you my gun. - Aw... 69 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,301 And my badge. 70 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,261 [WHIMPERS] 71 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,388 And 72 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:45,560 Jane and I would like to keep the handcuffs as a souvenir. 73 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,982 - Oh, gee... - Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. 74 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,985 It's just I won't ever see you again. 75 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,570 Oh, Frank. 76 00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,408 [LADY] My purse! Somebody help me! 77 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,661 [THIEF] Out of the way. 78 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,954 Lieutenant Drebin! Frank! Didn't you see that? 79 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:08,458 What? Oh, yes. Kitty litter. 80 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,502 Two bags for a dollar. Great. 81 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:15,924 Order. The jury will disregard that statement. Continue, Counsellor. 82 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,344 Alimony had been set by the court. Right, Mr Clayton? 83 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,929 Yes, but... 84 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:24,432 But not once have you paid alimony to my client, 85 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,435 repeatedly defying a court order. 86 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,522 I lost her address. She moved twice, I couldn't keep up. 87 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,817 Don't lie to me. You're under oath. 88 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,069 Do you know the penalty for perjury? 89 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,153 [BABIES CRYING] 90 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,864 I'll ask that again. 91 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:43,410 Objection! Your Honour, I... ow, ow. 92 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,577 Jeez! 93 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:48,206 - Counsel is leading the witness. - Sustained. 94 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,624 [GAVEL POUNDS] 95 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,711 Sweetie, Mommy said no pounding when she's in session. 96 00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,630 Please read the prosecution's last statement. 97 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,299 Don't lie to me. You're under oath. 98 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,301 - [BURP] - There. 99 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:03,805 Do you know the penalty for perjury? 100 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,642 That's all I have, Your Honour. 101 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,311 You may continue, Ms Spencer-Drebin. 102 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,524 Er... prosecution rests. 103 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,193 Defence, Ms Davis-Jacob-Steiner-Laszlo? 104 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,070 No further questions, Your Honour. 105 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,073 Court will recess until after the morning feed. 106 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,533 [SQUEAK] 107 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,164 We're gonna win this. I can feel it. 108 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,249 Yes. Of course. 109 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,918 I married the wrong man. 110 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,087 I never thought that was possible. 111 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,090 - I beg your pardon? - Oh, nothing. 112 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,427 Louise, there's no such thing as the wrong man. 113 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,514 You just have to work at it. 114 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,934 Now, let's see. Mr and Mrs Drebin, right? 115 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:55,732 Now, you two have been married for six months? 116 00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:59,444 Yes. We really appreciate you seeing us, Doctor. 117 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,946 You were recommended by our last therapist. 118 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,200 Yes, I was sorry to hear about his suicide. 119 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:09,287 You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot 120 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,790 and not get caught up in blame. 121 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,292 Now, which one of you is impotent? 122 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,420 - That would be him. - Yes, of course. 123 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:21,132 - Why don't you ask who's frigid? - That would be him, also. 124 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:25,053 - How do you know? You're never home. - He resents that I work. 125 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,555 He has no idea what a woman wants. 126 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,641 You're so insensitive. 127 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:33,311 - Is this the toilet seat thing? - It's babies, Frank. 128 00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:37,148 I want to have a baby. Whenever we make love, you get a headache. 129 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,151 I'm not a piece of meat, Jane. I'm trying. 130 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,946 I've got ointments, lotions, creams, books, 131 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,823 things that vibrate. 132 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,908 - Frank! - Maybe it's your fault. 133 00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:52,330 Have you tried sexy lingerie? Some lacy underwear, a black teddy? 134 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,749 I've worn them all. They don't work. 135 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,209 Oh. 136 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,461 Why don't you want a child? 137 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,589 Didn't I try to adopt that 18-year-old Korean girl? 138 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:07,011 Jane, Frank, here's what I suggest. 139 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,098 Make tonight a special night. 140 00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,017 Dinner, wine, romantic music. 141 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:16,354 Put on the 24-hour Johnny Mathis station. 142 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:19,607 Just be Jane and Frank, lovers. 143 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:24,863 We haven't had a night like that in a long time. 144 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,282 - Not together. - Frank? 145 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,118 Jane... 146 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,787 Having a baby is a big responsibility. 147 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,124 It's like being in charge of sanitation at a Haitian jail. 148 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,376 I'm just frightened. 149 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,713 Frank, let's make tonight something special. 150 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,716 Oh, honey, it's just that I love you so much. 151 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,759 My little lover sparrow. 152 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,680 My puppy-wuppy wover. 153 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,891 My little love biscuit. 154 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,018 My little shnooky-wookums. 155 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,478 My little lady cheesy puppy. 156 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:03,484 Mr and Mrs Drebin, please. I'm diabetic. I think you should go now. 157 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,696 I never thought we'd end this way. 158 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:09,991 How did you think we'd end? 159 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,119 I don't know. 160 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:16,372 Some other way. 161 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,333 Oh, Jason. 162 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,043 [CRYING] 163 00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:25,673 [DOORBELL] 164 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,556 Ed! Nordberg! It's been a long time. 165 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,684 Hiya, Frank! You look terrific! 166 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,688 Thank you. The little woman got me a Thighmaster. 167 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,399 Where are my manners? Come on in. 168 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,944 How charming! 169 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,363 Sit, sit. 170 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,282 Excuse the mess. It's my ironing day. 171 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,534 I just frosted some cupcakes. 172 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:56,412 - Would you care for one? - Oh, not just now. 173 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:59,374 Frank, we have a problem with a terrorist threat. 174 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,418 - Police Squad is certain... - I'd love a cupcake. 175 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:05,421 - That coffee smells great. - I grind my own beans. 176 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:09,550 Frank, the reason we're here is that we need your help. 177 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:19,143 It's great! 178 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,230 I hoped you'd like them. Made them from scratch. 179 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,148 I'll just get off my feet. 180 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:29,112 We may have a lead on a suspect in the City Hall bombing attempt. 181 00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:31,823 These were taken by a news photographer. 182 00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,617 - This girl was the diversion. - We had them enlarged. 183 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,411 They look familiar. 184 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:39,372 No, the pin, she's a nurse. 185 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,666 Can I keep this one? 186 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,669 We traced her to the Karls on Clinic on Myrtle wood. 187 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,588 - She's Tanya Peters. - Tanya Peters? 188 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:52,135 - You know her? - Don't you remember in the 1970s? 189 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,178 The big disco shoot-out. 190 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,680 [STAYIN'ALIVE PLAYING] 191 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,891 Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk 192 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,269 I'm a woman's man, no time to talk 193 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,563 The music loud, the women warm 194 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,690 I've been kicked around since I was born 195 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,067 But it's all right, I'm OK 196 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,611 You may look the other way 197 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:11,863 We can try to understand... 198 00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:15,199 Ed, what's happening, my man? 199 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:18,786 Frank, we missed you last night at the fondue party. 200 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,623 I went to see the Village People. They're a stone soul gas, man. 201 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,126 - I can dig it. - What have we got here? 202 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,295 One dead disco dancer. 203 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,506 Bummer. What a mind bender, huh? 204 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,633 We think it was a love triangle. 205 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,970 This is the suspect's girlfriend, Tanya Peters. 206 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,221 Cigarette? 207 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,182 Yes, I know. 208 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:44,187 Well, we'll need a statement from you down at the station. 209 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,480 Nordberg! 210 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,482 Coming, Lieutenant! 211 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,202 I do remember. 212 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:02,246 You were one of the first test cases for minoxidil, weren't you? 213 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,583 - What? - I'm glad I could help. 214 00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,419 Now, I've got some lamb to put in the oven. 215 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,129 We need a favour. 216 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,465 It's not that big a roast, Nordberg. 217 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,383 No, not that, Frank. 218 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,928 We need you to go undercover at the clinic. 219 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,055 Whoa! I've given up police work, Ed. 220 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,641 You're whistling up the wrong neck of the woods. 221 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:26,437 - We're in a bind, Frank. - What about Hedges and O'Malley? 222 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,357 They're in Hawaii. Together. 223 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:34,904 Well, I can't. Jane and I have a special evening planned. 224 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:37,448 You'll be home in time to make dinner. 225 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,034 I'd have to make pork chops. 226 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,204 Frank, think of all the crime out there. 227 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,873 Nobody is safe. You'd be protecting Jane. 228 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,751 You'd be protecting all the Janes of the world. 229 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,045 And you haven't shot anybody in months. 230 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,924 That's true. Funny how you miss the little things. 231 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:57,051 Might be good to feel that cold, hard steel 232 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,387 pressed against my thigh once again. 233 00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,098 The thrill of the chase, to be a man. 234 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,061 After folding the laundry, I went to the Karls on Clinic. 235 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,981 It's always important to have a disguise 236 00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:13,025 and this operation was no different. 237 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:17,488 I had no idea if Tanya would recognise me, 238 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,949 so I slipped on a fake pair of glasses 239 00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:22,285 and combed my hair differently. 240 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:24,287 The plan was to get in, 241 00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:27,331 get information about Tanya's link with the bombing, 242 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,917 and get out as quickly as possible. 243 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:34,172 I figured faking an old football injury would do the trick. 244 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:38,426 - Can I help you? - I'd like to see a doctor, please. 245 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,012 Sign in here, please. 246 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:46,267 - Do you have an appointment, Mr... - Er, Smith. No, I don't. 247 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,935 Take a number. 248 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,478 Six. 249 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,023 - What? - Is six taken? 250 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,442 Does it have to be between 1 and 10? 251 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,740 You'll be called. 252 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,450 Thank you. 253 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,957 Mr Smith? 254 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:15,296 We've had a cancellation. We can take you now. 255 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,132 Good morning, Mr Smith. This way. 256 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,719 I really appreciate your seeing me like this. 257 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:24,472 I'm sure it won't take too long. 258 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,480 When did you notice the problem? 259 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,650 Uh, in the back yard with my uncle. 260 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,819 In the back yard with your uncle? 261 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,988 Yes. When he comes over to visit, 262 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:45,159 we like to go in the back yard, throw it around for a while. 263 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,537 What did you and your uncle find out? 264 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:52,375 I can't keep up with him. Mine hurt, especially on the long ones. 265 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:55,419 I can't seem to straighten it out. 266 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,964 It has no feeling. It's kind of numb. 267 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,676 I may have yanked it too much. 268 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:09,267 - If you would. - For what? 269 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:12,353 - A sperm count. - In here? 270 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:16,107 It's not exactly the back yard, but it'll do. 271 00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,317 Well... 272 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:22,947 [ZIP] 273 00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,741 [SHOUTING AND YELPING] 274 00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:28,869 [GLASS BREAKING] 275 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:30,413 [ZIP] 276 00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:38,754 Follow me, and we'll do the necessary paperwork. 277 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:45,386 Sign these at the bottom and leave them with the nurse. 278 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,099 - This way, please. - What? 279 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:52,226 - Number 17. - Oh, no. 280 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,270 - A problem? - No, no. 281 00:21:54,354 --> 00:21:57,982 - This is 17. - Have we met before? 282 00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,693 If you'll excuse me, I'm next. 283 00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:02,528 Ooh! Aah! 284 00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:04,864 Agh! Eurgh! 285 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:07,867 - Sir? - Aah! 286 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:10,578 Mr Smith, how are we doing? 287 00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:12,663 [SHEEP BLEATS] 288 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,749 I've been busy. 289 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:19,503 - Do you want a videotape to help? - Do you have Dances With Wolves? 290 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:22,006 Rocketeer? Lady And The Tramp? 291 00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:23,799 An adult movie. 292 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,427 Hmm... 293 00:22:27,929 --> 00:22:30,097 Ooh! Aah! Yeow! 294 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,439 The tape was very entertaining. 295 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:41,275 Follow me. 296 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,944 Do you have Spartacus? 297 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:08,386 [PA] Maintenance. Clean-up, room 7. 298 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:11,764 Maintenance. Clean-up, room 7. Stat. 299 00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:20,648 - What are you doing? - Just freshening up. 300 00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:24,652 You should look your best even though you're by yourself. 301 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,863 Are you sure we've never met? 302 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:30,741 Here's my cup. Back to work. 303 00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:34,578 - Knocking. - Mr Smith? 304 00:23:34,996 --> 00:23:38,165 - Are you okay in there? - I could use a little help. 305 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:42,837 [PA] Dr Rosenblatt, foreplay in room 7, please. 306 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:44,797 Dr Rosenblatt. 307 00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:55,683 [ROMANTIC MUSIC] 308 00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:05,609 Honey, I've been waiting all day. 309 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:10,072 I'm wearing the nightgown you bought me for our honeymoon. 310 00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:14,743 Tonight's going to be special. 311 00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:18,122 I'm going to make love to you for hours and hours. 312 00:24:18,915 --> 00:24:21,041 Wouldn't Mr Happy like that? 313 00:24:22,919 --> 00:24:25,588 - Hours? - Like our first time together. 314 00:24:25,672 --> 00:24:29,592 Jane, why don't I soak in the tub for a couple of days? 315 00:24:29,676 --> 00:24:31,969 Possibly a week. 316 00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:33,637 You're so cute. 317 00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:36,640 Let me go get the oysters and clams. 318 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:39,477 Walk my way 319 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:44,440 And a thousand violins 320 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,734 Begin to play 321 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:49,570 Or it might be the sound 322 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:52,740 Of your hello 323 00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:55,576 That music I hear 324 00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:58,078 I get misty 325 00:24:58,705 --> 00:25:01,957 The moment you're near 326 00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:06,921 You can say 327 00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:11,342 That you're leading me on... 328 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:13,177 Here. 329 00:25:13,261 --> 00:25:15,930 I'll shave your back like last time. 330 00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:18,933 Jane, I really don't think we should. I... 331 00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:22,394 Frank! What's this? 332 00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:24,396 I fell on a rake. 333 00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:28,400 You're lying. Now I know why Ed's been calling. 334 00:25:28,485 --> 00:25:32,821 - You're back on a case, aren't you? - No, I swear. It's another woman! 335 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:34,865 In your wildest dreams! 336 00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:39,203 It's bad enough not having a baby, but I warned you about Police Squad, 337 00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:41,830 you white Anglo male! 338 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:43,916 Jane! Ah! Jane! 339 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:48,254 It was nothing, Jane. I was doing Ed a small favour! 340 00:25:48,338 --> 00:25:51,090 Some retirement. I'm leaving, Frank. 341 00:25:51,174 --> 00:25:53,634 I never thought you'd go back on your word. 342 00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:55,970 - Aren't you being hasty? - I don't think so. 343 00:25:56,096 --> 00:26:00,224 - [DOORBELL] - That's my cab. I'll be at Louise's. 344 00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:05,145 Oh, Frank, how could you? We need time apart to think about us. 345 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,566 I'm not going to think. Why start now? I love you. 346 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,735 Look, baby, I am what I am and I do what I do. 347 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:14,238 A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod, 348 00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,574 some make a living neutering animals. 349 00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:19,076 - I'm a cop. - Pretty speech, Frank. 350 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,412 But my mind is made up. I'm leaving. 351 00:26:21,496 --> 00:26:22,871 All right. 352 00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:24,999 Then take this with you. 353 00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:32,673 You know how my lips feel about things. 354 00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:34,049 [DOORBELL] 355 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,265 Goodbye, Frank. 356 00:26:41,349 --> 00:26:46,020 [RADIO] You're listening to KSAD, all-depressing, all the time. 357 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:49,607 Here's a dedication to Frank from Jane, who just called from a taxi. 358 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:51,859 Frank, you lying weasel-weenie. 359 00:26:51,943 --> 00:26:56,697 First you shoot blanks, now you're letting all the heat out... 360 00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:04,330 He said he'd never go back to police work. Once a cop, always a cop. 361 00:27:04,414 --> 00:27:08,709 - He's married to his work. - You'll always come in second. 362 00:27:08,835 --> 00:27:13,339 There was an article in Cosmo, Why all men are pigs. 363 00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:16,383 Frank is just another word for loser. 364 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,135 I never want to see him again. 365 00:27:18,219 --> 00:27:20,971 I want to get as far away as possible. 366 00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:23,891 We'll go to my friend's cabin by the smelting plant. 367 00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:25,976 The fresh air will do you good. 368 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:28,646 Go easy. That's your second bottle of Chanel. 369 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:32,483 You're witnessing the beginning of a new Jane Spencer-Drebin. 370 00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:36,070 No more little miss perky, devoting her life to one man. 371 00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:38,113 I'm out for the new me. 372 00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:40,240 Let's burn rubber. 373 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:46,997 - Didn't forget anything, did you? - I hope not. 374 00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:54,755 Just calm down, ma'am. How many bodies did you find in your pool? 375 00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:59,259 Sir, killing a gang member's only an $18 fine. Just mail it in. 376 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:02,054 Frank! Glad you could make it! 377 00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:03,681 - Welcome, buddy. - Nordberg. 378 00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:06,058 Did you find Tanya's address, Frank? 379 00:28:06,142 --> 00:28:10,270 I wrote it on a hanky, and I can't remember what I did with it. 380 00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:13,816 - I'm getting a bit rusty. - It could happen to anybody. 381 00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:17,569 I brought you some of Frank's never-fail fudge! 382 00:28:18,321 --> 00:28:20,698 You go on about your business. 383 00:28:20,782 --> 00:28:23,701 I'll stay out of your hair. 384 00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:25,244 It'll be... 385 00:28:26,621 --> 00:28:31,041 Frank, let me take that. We've got a surprise for you. 386 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:34,753 It's in hon our of your 30 years on the force. Nordberg. 387 00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:40,718 Oh, boy. This is really great. 388 00:28:44,431 --> 00:28:46,515 Thank you, guys. 389 00:28:46,599 --> 00:28:48,392 We thought it might cheer you up. 390 00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:50,561 We heard about you and Jane. 391 00:28:50,645 --> 00:28:54,690 Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her. 392 00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:57,985 Frank, I feel really bad about all of this. 393 00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,987 If there's anything you need. 394 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:02,239 Dr Kevorkian's home phone number? 395 00:29:02,323 --> 00:29:04,908 Nordberg, put it together. 396 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:07,619 - Frank, you know we're here for you. - Thanks, Ed. 397 00:29:07,704 --> 00:29:11,206 Well, look who's here. Hi, Frank. Nice to see you. 398 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:14,877 - I've got that data on the bomb. - What did you find out? 399 00:29:15,003 --> 00:29:17,755 The explosive is a very fine powder. 400 00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:22,426 - It tastes like... - That's fertiliser. Another case. 401 00:29:22,510 --> 00:29:25,053 This is what I'm talking about. 402 00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:28,015 We detected a high quantity of nitroglycerine. 403 00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:31,935 - Can you tell us where it came from? - I'd be glad to. 404 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:34,938 Billions of years ago, the Earth was a molten mass 405 00:29:35,023 --> 00:29:37,232 Ted, I'm talking about the powder. 406 00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:41,528 We don't know about that. Let me take that urine specimen. 407 00:29:42,030 --> 00:29:45,783 We found a list of the bomber's plans at the scene. 408 00:29:45,867 --> 00:29:47,242 On a hunch, we analysed the paper. 409 00:29:47,327 --> 00:29:49,745 - And you got something? - Yes. 410 00:29:49,829 --> 00:29:51,914 The paper's from Statesville Prison. 411 00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:56,376 - Are you sure? - Positive. We analysed the wood fibres 412 00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:59,546 and found them to be from the rare Canary Island pine, 413 00:29:59,672 --> 00:30:01,006 which grows only in Oregon. 414 00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:03,509 Contacting paper mills in that area 415 00:30:03,593 --> 00:30:06,220 led us to a distribution centre in Tacoma. 416 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:08,597 Unfortunately, the trail ended there. 417 00:30:08,681 --> 00:30:12,351 - How'd you trace it to the prison? - Right here on the letterhead. 418 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:16,730 After comparing handwriting of every known bomber 419 00:30:16,856 --> 00:30:18,732 serving a stretch in Statesville, 420 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,943 we came up with a suspect. Rocco Dillon. 421 00:30:21,027 --> 00:30:23,946 He's masterminding the bombings from inside the prison. 422 00:30:24,030 --> 00:30:27,950 There's only one way to find out where Rocco will strike next. 423 00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:30,327 We have to send someone in there. 424 00:30:30,411 --> 00:30:34,331 - I'll do it. - I wouldn't feel right about that. 425 00:30:34,415 --> 00:30:37,084 If Rocco thinks you're a cop, you might end up dead. 426 00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:39,837 You might end up dead is my middle name. 427 00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,505 What about Jane? 428 00:30:41,589 --> 00:30:44,675 I don't know her middle name. I need the action. 429 00:30:44,759 --> 00:30:46,510 I'm going inside the big house. 430 00:30:46,594 --> 00:30:49,847 Frank, Ed. I think you might want to see this. 431 00:30:49,931 --> 00:30:53,600 We're testing out a prototype for an anti car jacking device. 432 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,811 We'll see how it works. 433 00:30:55,895 --> 00:30:57,104 Get out! 434 00:30:57,939 --> 00:30:59,439 Don't make me... Argh! 435 00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:07,114 We call it the Denver jockstrap. 436 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:18,709 After being retired for six months, I was finally back in action. 437 00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:23,964 Faster than saying spread 'em, I was in Statesville Prison. 438 00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:27,217 I was surrounded by pimps, rapists and murderers. 439 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:30,387 It was like being in the stands at an LA Raiders game. 440 00:31:30,471 --> 00:31:35,601 It was going to take all my police experience just to stay alive here. 441 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:42,983 [BELL] 442 00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:49,573 After a long and generous cavity search, 443 00:31:49,657 --> 00:31:52,659 I reached my destination, Maximum Security, 444 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:56,413 home of some of the most violent sociopaths in the country. 445 00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:59,082 And the worst of them all, Rocco Dillon. 446 00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:04,254 [GUARD] All right, in here. 447 00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,049 Ain't no prison yet could hold me. 448 00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:08,717 Attica! Attica! 449 00:32:08,843 --> 00:32:12,095 Power to the brothers! Kill whitey! 450 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:13,931 Kill whitey! 451 00:32:14,015 --> 00:32:16,266 [PRISONER] Knock it off! 452 00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:21,772 You're chirping loud for a new canary. 453 00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:25,609 Keep flashing the big eyes and I'll rotate your jaw. 454 00:32:25,693 --> 00:32:29,279 Hey! You know who you talking to? 455 00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:31,448 The man is Rocco Dillon. 456 00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:35,077 - Where's your prison number? - It's unlisted. 457 00:32:35,161 --> 00:32:38,789 Just call me Nick The Slasher McGirk. 458 00:32:38,873 --> 00:32:43,126 Look, I'm the muscle in this pen. Just stay out of my way. 459 00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:45,462 You just watch your step, McGirk. 460 00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:48,298 Take it from me, this place changes a man. 461 00:32:48,383 --> 00:32:49,925 Yeah? How? 462 00:32:50,009 --> 00:32:51,677 I used to be white. 463 00:32:53,596 --> 00:32:56,264 I was the drummer for the Osmonds. 464 00:32:56,349 --> 00:33:00,894 Screw with me, he'll make you feel pain like never before. 465 00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:03,689 I know. I remember the Osmonds. 466 00:33:03,856 --> 00:33:04,856 [BELL] 467 00:33:05,024 --> 00:33:08,318 - Better hit the rack, McGirk. - In a minute. 468 00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:12,823 First I'm gonna make a list of who I'm gonna kill in the next few days. 469 00:33:12,907 --> 00:33:15,826 [GUARD] Lights out. Lockdown in two minutes. 470 00:33:19,747 --> 00:33:22,916 My dearest snooky wookums dumpling buns, 471 00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,835 I miss you so much. 472 00:33:24,919 --> 00:33:29,798 I haven't hurt this bad since the last time I was dumped. 473 00:33:29,882 --> 00:33:33,844 I remember it well. Her name was Gabriella. 474 00:33:33,928 --> 00:33:35,887 We were supposed to be married, 475 00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:39,433 but on the day of our wedding, she never showed up. 476 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:48,066 I was heartbroken. I figured she had fallen for another man, 477 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:51,194 someone who could do to her what I never could. 478 00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:55,115 I thought my life was over until that one glorious day. 479 00:33:56,784 --> 00:33:58,869 That was the day you became my wife. 480 00:33:58,953 --> 00:34:01,997 Our friends gathered to celebrate our love. 481 00:34:02,081 --> 00:34:03,999 It seems like only yesterday. 482 00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:06,376 We were all so overjoyed. 483 00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:09,713 I remember wishing we could take everyone with us. 484 00:34:09,797 --> 00:34:11,465 That was the happiest day of my life. 485 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:15,844 I remember the plans we made. Things were going to be so perfect. 486 00:34:15,928 --> 00:34:19,222 We got that housekeeper you always wanted. 487 00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:21,641 Hi, Mr D. Hi, Mrs D. 488 00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:24,770 And I knew that eventually our dream would come true. 489 00:34:24,854 --> 00:34:28,190 One day we'd have our own Frank Drebin Jr. 490 00:34:28,274 --> 00:34:30,734 [ROCCO] Shut up. I'm trying to get some sleep. 491 00:34:30,818 --> 00:34:33,737 Nah, it's no use. She'll never come back. 492 00:34:34,947 --> 00:34:36,031 [GROWLS LIKE A LION] 493 00:34:39,827 --> 00:34:42,370 You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain 494 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:45,373 Too much love drives a man insane 495 00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:48,376 You broke my will, but what a thrill 496 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,797 Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! 497 00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:54,800 I laughed at love cos I thought it was funny 498 00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,719 You came along and moved me, honey 499 00:34:58,304 --> 00:35:00,680 I changed my mind, this love is fine 500 00:35:01,349 --> 00:35:04,059 Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! 501 00:35:39,637 --> 00:35:41,680 Bend over and pick it up for me, 502 00:35:42,765 --> 00:35:44,558 would you, lover? 503 00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:46,476 No problem. 504 00:35:56,988 --> 00:35:59,990 Rocco could tell from my escapade in the shower 505 00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:02,117 that I was well-endowed with courage. 506 00:36:02,201 --> 00:36:04,119 Now I had to get on the inside. 507 00:36:04,203 --> 00:36:08,456 Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things out. 508 00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:15,005 [WHISPERS] Tyrone, I got the escape plans right here. Just you and me. 509 00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:18,175 - Burnett wants in. - Burnett's one of the guards! 510 00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:20,635 I know, but he's unhappy here. 511 00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:22,762 All right, all right. Whatever. 512 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:25,223 Got it all worked out right here. 513 00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:32,647 What's this? Another letter from your mommy? 514 00:36:32,732 --> 00:36:35,442 - That's private! - Let's see what we have. 515 00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:39,279 - Give the man back his letter. - Buzz off, butter cheeks. 516 00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:43,867 What's so special about a little letter? 517 00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:46,953 Wait a minute. An escape plan! 518 00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:50,624 This is your ticket to another 20 years, Dillon. 519 00:36:50,708 --> 00:36:53,043 If the warden gets one look at this... 520 00:36:53,127 --> 00:36:56,713 Hey! You call this slop? 521 00:36:56,797 --> 00:36:59,216 Real slop has got chunks in it! 522 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:01,718 This is more like gruel! 523 00:37:01,802 --> 00:37:05,138 And this Chateau le Blanc '68 524 00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,891 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! 525 00:37:07,975 --> 00:37:13,063 This is room temperature! What do you think we are, animals? 526 00:37:13,147 --> 00:37:14,898 ALL: No! 527 00:37:14,982 --> 00:37:17,400 What are we? 528 00:37:17,485 --> 00:37:19,319 Homo sapiens? 529 00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:24,991 You're right! We are men! We are men! 530 00:37:25,284 --> 00:37:27,160 ALL: We are men! 531 00:37:27,286 --> 00:37:28,662 We are men! 532 00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:30,747 We are men! 533 00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:32,415 We are men! 534 00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:06,992 Left hand blue. Whose hand is that? 535 00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:20,171 Come on, son. You can do it. Eat some beans! 536 00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:37,480 [CLANG] 537 00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:46,156 You saved my bacon, McGirk. I'd be in solitary if you hadn't done that. 538 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:49,451 I've been watching you. You handle yourself good. 539 00:38:49,535 --> 00:38:51,578 - Really well. - Whatever. 540 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:55,832 I got something big on the outside. I could use you in my gang. 541 00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:57,917 - Dental plan? - Full coverage. 542 00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,170 - What's the caper? - First we bust out. 543 00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:04,174 Thanks to you, we still have our escape plan. Let's have it. 544 00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:06,760 - It's a good plan. - I've had better. 545 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:10,013 Listen, I've got a fool-proof plan. 546 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:12,932 They got Tyrone. 547 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,437 Can't... Can't we all just get along? 548 00:39:23,110 --> 00:39:26,446 Now that Tyrone was in solitary, it was just me and Rocco. 549 00:39:26,530 --> 00:39:28,531 He had to trust me. 550 00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:30,533 'Shh! Hold on. 551 00:39:30,618 --> 00:39:32,285 [WHISPERING] Okay. 552 00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:34,788 I convinced Rocco to dig a tunnel. 553 00:39:34,872 --> 00:39:36,915 It was that or go out in a laundry truck. 554 00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:40,335 The thought of lying nose down in skid marks 555 00:39:40,419 --> 00:39:42,670 didn't leave a good taste in my mouth. 556 00:39:47,718 --> 00:39:49,761 Disposing of the dirt was a problem I solved 557 00:39:49,845 --> 00:39:51,513 early in the construction. 558 00:39:51,597 --> 00:39:55,225 Apart from some chafing, we made good progress. 559 00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:56,518 We kept digging. 560 00:39:56,602 --> 00:39:59,854 Dummies gave the impression we were still in our cell. 561 00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:02,065 [GUARD] Lights out. 562 00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:06,861 There was more dirt than I thought. Disposing of it was becoming tricky. 563 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:31,219 Safe! 564 00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:34,180 Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall 565 00:40:35,766 --> 00:40:38,184 If one of those bottles should happen to fall 566 00:40:38,352 --> 00:40:40,270 Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall 567 00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:43,857 Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall... 568 00:40:44,358 --> 00:40:45,817 Where are you going? 569 00:40:45,901 --> 00:40:50,280 - Are you thinking of Frank again? - They're playing our song. 570 00:40:50,364 --> 00:40:53,116 I understand. Take your time. 571 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:11,801 - Hello there. - Excuse me. 572 00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:15,638 I'm hauling a load of rice cakes to Big D. Coming with me? 573 00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:16,806 No. 574 00:41:16,891 --> 00:41:18,600 - How about a kiss? - No. 575 00:41:18,684 --> 00:41:21,644 When a woman says no, she means yes. 576 00:41:21,729 --> 00:41:24,314 - How about that kiss? - Yes. 577 00:41:24,398 --> 00:41:29,068 No? I know your type. Come on, baby. We're two of a kind. 578 00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:45,126 Oh, my God! You killed him! 579 00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:47,086 It was an accident. Call the police. 580 00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:51,841 Come to your senses. You killed a man. You're a hero to every woman. 581 00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:54,969 We have to call Frank. He'll protect us. 582 00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:58,097 Frank is a man. He'll see you locked away forever. 583 00:42:00,601 --> 00:42:04,229 Jane, I want to join you, to help you kill as many men as possible. 584 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:05,772 Yipes! 585 00:42:07,233 --> 00:42:10,026 Louise, do what you have to do. I'm calling Frank. 586 00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,365 [TRUCKER] Oh, boy, did that hurt. 587 00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:19,285 Be home, Frank. Answer the phone. 588 00:42:19,495 --> 00:42:20,787 - [TELEPHONE PICKS UP] - Frank! 589 00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:22,705 [ANSWERPHONE] Hi, this is Frank. And Jane. 590 00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:27,835 [BOTH] We're the Drebins. We're not home right now so leave a message! 591 00:42:29,213 --> 00:42:31,506 [FRANK] Which button is it? [JANE] Not that one! 592 00:42:31,632 --> 00:42:32,882 [DIAL TONE] 593 00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:46,729 Tanya? It was another woman. Frank wasn't lying. 594 00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:50,817 Honeymoon Bay Road. I bet they're alone there now! 595 00:42:51,193 --> 00:42:52,235 Frank! 596 00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,028 Cell inspection. 597 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,075 There's been a rumour of a possible breakout. 598 00:42:59,159 --> 00:43:03,329 If we suspect anyone of attempting to escape, 599 00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:06,666 they will be punished severely. 600 00:43:07,793 --> 00:43:11,504 Once word of the escape was out, we headed for the tunnel. 601 00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:13,965 The last few feet were dug on the run. 602 00:43:14,049 --> 00:43:18,386 Another 47 yards would take us beyond the prison walls. 603 00:43:18,470 --> 00:43:22,932 May he rest in peace, in the arms of our... Jesus Christ! 604 00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,726 ALL: Amen. 605 00:43:24,810 --> 00:43:28,021 [FRANK] Rocco had arranged for a car to meet us. 606 00:43:30,190 --> 00:43:32,775 After making a slight adjustment 607 00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:37,030 we arrived at the rendezvous point, a Los Angeles city high school. 608 00:43:51,253 --> 00:43:53,296 Hey, that was close. 609 00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:57,133 Hey, Rocco, who's the old hag? She take one in the face? 610 00:43:57,968 --> 00:43:59,927 She's my mother. 611 00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:04,098 Mrs Dillon. Your son is a ruthless, sadistic, cold-blooded animal. 612 00:44:04,183 --> 00:44:07,435 - You must be proud of him. - I am. 613 00:44:07,519 --> 00:44:11,314 I want you to meet a real square egg, Nick The Slasher McGirk. 614 00:44:11,398 --> 00:44:13,650 There's fresh clothes in the back. 615 00:44:13,734 --> 00:44:19,656 Rocco's mom was quiet. I felt she didn't care for me coming along. 616 00:44:19,740 --> 00:44:24,744 Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes. 617 00:44:36,465 --> 00:44:37,924 Hey! Stop! 618 00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:43,805 Oh, Frank. 619 00:44:59,905 --> 00:45:04,158 It wasn't my fault. That cow shouldn't have been in the road. 620 00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:06,202 Hurry up. You're letting the flies in. 621 00:45:06,286 --> 00:45:08,913 - What do you think? - Great setup. 622 00:45:08,997 --> 00:45:13,543 No phone, miles from the nearest town, Playboy channel. Perfect. 623 00:45:13,627 --> 00:45:16,129 Nice digs. But I'm here for the action. 624 00:45:16,213 --> 00:45:19,215 What is it? Bank, armoured car, payroll? 625 00:45:19,299 --> 00:45:22,677 You're getting a little bit too nosy, McGirk. 626 00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:24,554 Relax, Ma. 627 00:45:24,638 --> 00:45:27,932 - She's itching to use her new gun. - I know the feeling. 628 00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:53,416 It was Tanya. That bathing suit was never happier. 629 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:57,336 I had only a second to admire the view. I had to watch out. 630 00:45:57,421 --> 00:46:00,882 If she made me as a cop, I'd be tonight's meat loaf. 631 00:46:00,966 --> 00:46:02,759 Come here, sexy. 632 00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:05,595 You're all woman. I could tell by looking at you. 633 00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:08,222 Hey, she's referring to me. 634 00:46:09,141 --> 00:46:11,642 I was talking about your mother. 635 00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:16,939 [MOTHER] That's no way to be walking around. Get some clothes on. 636 00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:19,108 And what are you doing in my bathing suit? 637 00:46:20,819 --> 00:46:22,862 Hey, who's the stud? 638 00:46:22,946 --> 00:46:25,656 Meet the newest member of our gang. 639 00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,535 Slasher McGirk, meet Tanya Peters. 640 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:32,580 Wait a minute. Don't I know you from somewhere? 641 00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:35,958 I smelled cop on him the minute I saw him. 642 00:46:36,043 --> 00:46:39,003 I get it all the time. It's the underwear ads. 643 00:46:39,713 --> 00:46:44,383 - Are you saying you're not a cop? - Well, yeah. 644 00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:47,637 - That's good enough for me. - Me, too. 645 00:46:47,721 --> 00:46:50,431 All right. I'm glad that's all cleared up. 646 00:46:50,516 --> 00:46:52,934 Ma, why not kiss and make up? 647 00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:56,229 Well, all right. 648 00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:08,741 Now that's more like it. 649 00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,467 Uh! Ow. 650 00:47:30,222 --> 00:47:32,348 [FRANK] I had to get a message to Police Squad. 651 00:47:32,432 --> 00:47:35,476 This was more than I could handle. 652 00:47:35,561 --> 00:47:37,812 No phone, miles from civilisation, 653 00:47:37,896 --> 00:47:40,731 my prospects look bleaker than a gerbil's in a bathhouse. 654 00:47:40,816 --> 00:47:44,986 Who's down there? Slasher. 655 00:47:45,779 --> 00:47:47,196 Have you seen my pigeon? 656 00:47:48,615 --> 00:47:53,119 - Pigeon? What pigeon? - What are you doing? 657 00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:57,498 I'm just contemplating my next move. 658 00:47:57,583 --> 00:47:59,959 Your bishop is exposed. 659 00:48:00,043 --> 00:48:03,880 It's these pants. I usually wear a fuller cut. 660 00:48:03,964 --> 00:48:07,049 You're all man. I like that in my men. 661 00:48:07,134 --> 00:48:10,052 You're coming on to me big-time, sister, 662 00:48:10,137 --> 00:48:12,138 but we got a problem. 663 00:48:12,222 --> 00:48:16,309 - You're Jewish? - No. You're Rocco's girl. 664 00:48:16,393 --> 00:48:20,605 In my book, that chapter's called Look, But Don't Touch. 665 00:48:22,608 --> 00:48:24,650 I could have two lovers. 666 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:29,989 Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, 667 00:48:30,073 --> 00:48:32,658 one-on-one, with as little dribbling as possible. 668 00:48:40,626 --> 00:48:43,753 Oh, you're tense, Slasher. 669 00:48:44,796 --> 00:48:48,215 Well, I could relax more if I knew about tomorrow. 670 00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:51,594 You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 671 00:48:51,678 --> 00:48:56,265 All I know is it's downtown and big. 672 00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:58,643 That's the way I like it. 673 00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:03,064 - What else? - Just this. 674 00:49:06,944 --> 00:49:08,069 What are you doing? 675 00:49:09,112 --> 00:49:12,782 Thank you for the advice. I'll try that recipe, Miss Peters. 676 00:49:12,866 --> 00:49:14,241 How could you? 677 00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:16,786 Just shove your tongue in as far as you can. 678 00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:17,954 Oh! 679 00:49:19,873 --> 00:49:21,958 Quiet. You don't know me here. 680 00:49:22,042 --> 00:49:24,126 That's a goodbye kiss, sister. 681 00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:26,379 What's all this? Who's the skirt? 682 00:49:26,463 --> 00:49:31,258 Just some dizzy dame. Probably broke down. I'll take her to the bus depot. 683 00:49:31,343 --> 00:49:35,471 Hey, she's married. What if her husband comes looking? 684 00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:38,099 - He must be a great guy. - He breaks promises. 685 00:49:38,183 --> 00:49:41,394 Look at you, traipsing all over, just to spite him. 686 00:49:41,478 --> 00:49:43,479 - He left me. - You left him. 687 00:49:43,563 --> 00:49:45,898 - You should talk. - Listen to you. 688 00:49:46,066 --> 00:49:47,608 - Listen to you. - Listen to you. 689 00:49:47,693 --> 00:49:49,402 - Listen to you! - Listen to you! 690 00:49:49,903 --> 00:49:52,071 Jeez, you two, knock it off! 691 00:49:52,155 --> 00:49:55,116 - You'd think you're married! - What'll we do with her? 692 00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,786 One thing's for sure. There's no room for her here. 693 00:49:58,870 --> 00:50:02,331 - I say we bump her off. - Let's plug her here. 694 00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:06,293 I've been on a job where I'd have given my eye teeth for a hostage. 695 00:50:06,378 --> 00:50:09,005 We know women make the best hostages. 696 00:50:09,089 --> 00:50:12,174 They're small, easy to move, eat less, smell nice. 697 00:50:12,259 --> 00:50:15,761 Yeah, we got us an insurance policy. 698 00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:19,348 Good thinking, kid. Now, let's get some shuteye. 699 00:50:19,433 --> 00:50:20,891 We got a big day ahead of us. 700 00:50:28,066 --> 00:50:29,567 All right, it's rigged. 701 00:50:29,651 --> 00:50:33,195 Watch the tower, Slasher. This is what'll happen tonight. 702 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,239 Hey, aren't we far away? 703 00:50:35,949 --> 00:50:36,949 Oh! 704 00:50:37,951 --> 00:50:39,535 [ROCCO] All right, pay attention. 705 00:50:39,619 --> 00:50:43,664 On that tower's a device that's gonna net us 5 million bucks. 706 00:50:43,749 --> 00:50:46,834 We're gonna detonate it this evening 707 00:50:46,918 --> 00:50:49,378 at an event that the whole world will be watching. 708 00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:53,799 - Your crowning achievement. - It's for both of us, Ma. All set! 709 00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:55,384 Set! 710 00:51:17,991 --> 00:51:19,658 Very impressive. 711 00:51:19,785 --> 00:51:21,994 Heh-heh-heh-heh. Cool. 712 00:51:22,496 --> 00:51:24,747 Heh-heh-heh-heh. Cool. 713 00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:34,215 America will be brought to its knees by this terrorist act. 714 00:51:34,299 --> 00:51:38,427 This will be more embarrassing to the US than Tonya Harding. 715 00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:42,598 We're almost there. I don't wanna miss this. Regards to Mrs Qaddafi. 716 00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:44,600 Tell her thanks for the cookies. 717 00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:49,522 [PA] It's a beautiful night in Los Angeles, 718 00:51:49,606 --> 00:51:54,318 and the stars are shining bright for the 66th Academy Awards. 719 00:51:54,444 --> 00:51:58,781 Fans are clamouring to see their favourite celebrities. 720 00:51:58,865 --> 00:52:01,742 It's Weird Al Yankovic and Vanna White. 721 00:52:13,713 --> 00:52:18,217 Put the dame in the trunk. I'll meet you and Ma round back in 10 minutes. 722 00:52:19,302 --> 00:52:20,553 Got the passes? 723 00:52:21,847 --> 00:52:23,806 If we pull this off, it's 5 million big ones. 724 00:52:23,890 --> 00:52:25,391 Not bad! 725 00:52:25,475 --> 00:52:28,435 - What's going to happen to me? - I have an idea. 726 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,397 Right, Slasher. You know what to do. 727 00:52:31,523 --> 00:52:33,607 Check the tyres and fluid levels. 728 00:52:33,692 --> 00:52:38,529 No, you muffin head, the dame. We hit trouble, she's a bullet shield. 729 00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:47,079 [PA] Ladies and gentlemen, to present the lifetime achievement award... 730 00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:50,666 Roll tape. Go to clip. Aspirin, please. 731 00:52:50,750 --> 00:52:52,877 Go to three. Ready, four. 732 00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:57,423 This year's lifetime achievement award winner's credits 733 00:52:57,507 --> 00:53:00,676 include some of the greatest moments on celluloid. 734 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,847 Films such as Sandals And Loincloth, 1958, 735 00:53:04,931 --> 00:53:07,683 Sweaty Boatmen, 1959, 736 00:53:07,767 --> 00:53:10,144 The Leather-clad Centurion, 1960, 737 00:53:10,228 --> 00:53:13,689 and his first colour feature in 1966, 738 00:53:13,773 --> 00:53:16,025 Big Shiny Spears. 739 00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:25,034 Okay, there's the man from Bryce Porterhouse. 740 00:53:25,118 --> 00:53:30,289 He guards the envelopes until they're handed out. He won't budge. 741 00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:33,876 You know what to do. Distract him so I can plant the bomb. 742 00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:38,255 [PA] Accepting the award for Mr Broncowitz is Margaret Red feather. 743 00:53:55,941 --> 00:53:57,274 That ought to do it. 744 00:53:58,151 --> 00:53:59,735 You'll never get away with this. 745 00:53:59,819 --> 00:54:02,154 Rocco will kill you, whoever you are. 746 00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,198 Frank Drebin, Police Squad. 747 00:54:04,282 --> 00:54:07,409 - Isn't that a unusual? - It's happened before. 748 00:54:07,494 --> 00:54:09,745 - Here's the plan. - You'll never stop Rocco. 749 00:54:09,829 --> 00:54:13,374 - Your chances are one in a million. - Better than any state lottery. 750 00:54:13,458 --> 00:54:16,669 I'm the good guy. I can't let the bad guys win. 751 00:54:16,753 --> 00:54:18,379 Our children can't be raised in fear. 752 00:54:18,463 --> 00:54:21,757 They're going to blow that place sky high. 753 00:54:21,841 --> 00:54:24,843 It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number. 754 00:54:24,928 --> 00:54:26,512 Come on. 755 00:54:43,571 --> 00:54:44,780 Does that radio work? 756 00:54:44,906 --> 00:54:46,031 [SPEAKS ARABIC] 757 00:54:51,079 --> 00:54:53,539 Call Police Squad. Tell them Frank Drebin... 758 00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:55,332 [SPEAKS JAMAICAN] 759 00:55:00,588 --> 00:55:01,714 Forget it. 760 00:55:03,508 --> 00:55:06,302 [UPPER CLASS ACCENT] I wonder what the devil he wanted? 761 00:55:11,558 --> 00:55:14,768 - Hold on. - Frank Drebin, Police Squad. 762 00:55:14,853 --> 00:55:18,647 - Yeah, and I'm Robert de Niro. - Mr de Niro, we must get inside. 763 00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:21,734 You and 10,000 other people. Move along. 764 00:55:21,818 --> 00:55:24,445 - Movie stars only. - Come on. 765 00:55:25,071 --> 00:55:26,572 I've got a better idea. 766 00:55:26,823 --> 00:55:28,449 Cue talent. 767 00:55:28,533 --> 00:55:31,410 [PA] To present the award for best supporting actress, 768 00:55:31,494 --> 00:55:34,997 Mariel Hemingway and Elliott Gould. 769 00:55:44,257 --> 00:55:46,091 Thank you. 770 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,261 The nominees for best supporting actress are, 771 00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:51,680 Mary Lou Retton, Fatal Affair. 772 00:55:51,765 --> 00:55:55,184 One woman's ordeal to overcome the death of her cat, 773 00:55:55,268 --> 00:55:58,103 set against the background of the Hindenburg disaster. 774 00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,358 [POPPING] 775 00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:06,695 Morgan Fairchild, Final Proposal. 776 00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:11,033 One courageous pioneer woman's triumphant victory over bulimia, 777 00:56:11,117 --> 00:56:13,619 set during the Donner Party crossing. 778 00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:15,120 [POPPING] 779 00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:18,874 [CLEARS THROAT] 780 00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:23,170 [POP] 781 00:56:27,509 --> 00:56:28,967 [MUFFLED SCREAMS] 782 00:56:32,013 --> 00:56:34,598 Sorry about this, but it's official police business. 783 00:56:37,769 --> 00:56:40,062 Shannen Doherty, Basic Analysis. 784 00:56:40,146 --> 00:56:42,648 One woman's triumph over a yeast infection, 785 00:56:42,732 --> 00:56:46,944 set against the background of the tragic Buffalo Bills' season of 1991. 786 00:56:57,330 --> 00:56:59,248 Thank you, Sheriff. 787 00:56:59,332 --> 00:57:02,000 Still no word of Frank or Rocco's gang. 788 00:57:02,085 --> 00:57:04,837 I'm worried. He should have called by now. 789 00:57:06,923 --> 00:57:08,382 [BEEPING] 790 00:57:16,975 --> 00:57:19,017 Let me just check your tickets. 791 00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:21,937 - Lovely gown. Is that Cool Whip? - Uh-huh. 792 00:57:22,021 --> 00:57:25,566 Tim and Erica Brown. Okay, enjoy the show. 793 00:57:25,650 --> 00:57:28,444 Let's see, Vanna White and Weird Al Yankovic. 794 00:57:28,528 --> 00:57:31,822 Okay, enjoy the awards. 795 00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:34,032 And three. 796 00:57:34,117 --> 00:57:37,119 And Florence Henderson, Analysis Of A Proposal. 797 00:57:38,204 --> 00:57:41,540 - Rocco could be anywhere. - Where could the bomb be? 798 00:57:41,624 --> 00:57:44,877 - The winner is... - This is going to be dynamite. 799 00:57:44,961 --> 00:57:48,130 - Jane! - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 800 00:57:48,214 --> 00:57:50,799 [FRANK] Florence Henderson is going to win! 801 00:57:50,884 --> 00:57:54,761 - No! The bomb's in the envelope. - You're right! 802 00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:57,181 And the winner is... 803 00:57:57,265 --> 00:57:58,307 Argh! 804 00:57:58,391 --> 00:58:00,767 Mary Lou Retton for Fatal Affair. 805 00:58:00,852 --> 00:58:03,562 Yes! Yes! 806 00:58:04,230 --> 00:58:06,815 Sorry. We were rooting for Florence Henderson. 807 00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:10,235 We must get those envelopes before they open any more. 808 00:58:13,907 --> 00:58:15,365 Yes! 809 00:58:19,329 --> 00:58:20,829 I never realised there'd be so many. 810 00:58:20,914 --> 00:58:23,165 They added 75 new categories. 811 00:58:23,249 --> 00:58:25,751 Best actor in a Columbus movie? 812 00:58:25,835 --> 00:58:29,171 [PA] To present the award for best director, 813 00:58:29,255 --> 00:58:34,134 Raquel Welch and the host of his own talk show, Phil Donahue. 814 00:58:34,219 --> 00:58:37,930 That might be the envelope with the bomb. Keep looking. 815 00:58:38,014 --> 00:58:40,098 One more second, Mr Donahue. 816 00:58:56,241 --> 00:58:58,951 Oh, my God! Look at Donahue! 817 00:59:06,417 --> 00:59:08,502 [DIRECTOR] Stop the stairs, Joey! 818 00:59:10,713 --> 00:59:12,130 Thank you. 819 00:59:12,215 --> 00:59:15,634 Ladies and gentlemen, it's my pleasure to present... 820 00:59:21,474 --> 00:59:22,933 What the hell? 821 00:59:25,645 --> 00:59:28,021 - [RAQUEL] Jesus! - Go to commercial. 822 00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:32,067 Easy, now. Talk to me. What happened, Ma? 823 00:59:32,151 --> 00:59:35,487 Slasher is Frank Drebin of Police Squad. 824 00:59:35,572 --> 00:59:38,156 That lousy, two-bit, copper punk! 825 00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:41,910 I treat him like my brother, the one I didn't kill. 826 00:59:41,995 --> 00:59:44,663 - He might find the bomb. - Not if I find him first. 827 00:59:46,291 --> 00:59:48,417 [PA] Back from commercial in five seconds. 828 00:59:48,501 --> 00:59:51,169 Hurry with the mike and cue Donahue. 829 00:59:51,337 --> 00:59:52,462 [FEEDBACK] 830 00:59:54,340 --> 00:59:56,466 Read the card, moron. 831 00:59:59,304 --> 01:00:04,099 Well, Raquel, this certainly is a special evening. Phew! 832 01:00:04,183 --> 01:00:07,894 I can barely catch my breath. Turn it over to Raquel. 833 01:00:07,979 --> 01:00:10,564 I'm used to being out of breath... 834 01:00:10,648 --> 01:00:12,107 What the hell? 835 01:00:12,191 --> 01:00:15,277 Hold for laughter and applause. To Phil. 836 01:00:15,361 --> 01:00:18,780 Gets me out of breath just watching. To Raquel 837 01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:20,449 I read that. 838 01:00:20,533 --> 01:00:24,703 But let's get to the subject at hand. Pick up the envelope. 839 01:00:24,787 --> 01:00:27,623 The nominees for best director are... 840 01:00:27,707 --> 01:00:30,626 Sir Richard Attenborough for his musical 841 01:00:30,710 --> 01:00:34,254 on the life of Mother Teresa, Mother. 842 01:00:34,464 --> 01:00:35,547 Food! I love food 843 01:00:35,715 --> 01:00:36,965 And I'm really in the mood 844 01:00:37,050 --> 01:00:38,842 For a big corn dog or pupu platter 845 01:00:38,926 --> 01:00:41,595 Two ding-dongs, have some tuna helper 846 01:00:41,721 --> 01:00:43,263 I'll be racing back for more 847 01:00:43,514 --> 01:00:46,558 But don't add any salsa cos I'll blow chunks on the floor 848 01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:48,727 Ooh 849 01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:51,104 Ooh 850 01:00:52,690 --> 01:00:54,024 Yahoo 851 01:00:55,860 --> 01:00:59,237 Spike Lee, X ll, The Merchandising. 852 01:00:59,489 --> 01:01:03,992 Nordberg, look! That's Frank at the Academy Awards. 853 01:01:04,077 --> 01:01:06,244 - How'd he get tickets? - Nordberg! 854 01:01:06,537 --> 01:01:09,748 That's where Rocco is going to strike next. 855 01:01:09,832 --> 01:01:12,125 He's planning to blow up the Academy Awards. 856 01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:15,754 - We've got to go. - We're not invited. We're cops. 857 01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:19,216 It's for you. 858 01:01:19,884 --> 01:01:24,179 Nordberg, Police Squad. Hello? Hello? 859 01:01:25,807 --> 01:01:28,517 Henderson, see about this phone. I think it's broke. 860 01:01:31,062 --> 01:01:34,022 [RADIO] And now, today's lucky lotto numbers. 861 01:01:34,107 --> 01:01:39,236 Get your tickets ready, 12, 22, 18, and 9. 862 01:01:40,780 --> 01:01:45,283 And for his tale of genetics gone haywire in a retirement community, 863 01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:48,912 Steven Spielberg, Geriatric Park. 864 01:01:55,878 --> 01:01:56,920 [COUGHS] 865 01:02:09,892 --> 01:02:12,060 The winner is 866 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:16,898 Raquel, just a second. I just had a thought. 867 01:02:16,983 --> 01:02:18,400 Christ! 868 01:02:18,484 --> 01:02:21,653 This show is being seen all over the world. 869 01:02:21,738 --> 01:02:23,572 If we could send good thoughts, 870 01:02:23,656 --> 01:02:27,242 transmit them through these cameras, to the leader of China. 871 01:02:27,326 --> 01:02:29,995 Wing Wa Woo Tong, 872 01:02:30,079 --> 01:02:33,582 so that they might finally be nice. 873 01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:35,792 Thank you. 874 01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:39,671 And the winner is 875 01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:43,842 Raquel, so many go to bed hungry in this nation. 876 01:02:43,926 --> 01:02:45,719 Yet, cat food's full of tuna. 877 01:02:45,803 --> 01:02:48,263 I can't help thinking each time I go to the zoo 878 01:02:48,347 --> 01:02:51,558 and see those porpoises crammed into tiny tanks, 879 01:02:51,642 --> 01:02:53,685 what a waste that is. 880 01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,771 Butcher half of them now. 881 01:02:55,855 --> 01:02:59,524 Hundreds of pounds of dolphin meat that could be fed to cats, 882 01:02:59,609 --> 01:03:03,445 freeing up that tuna for our nation's hungry. 883 01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:13,038 - And the winner is... - So many are cold, 884 01:03:13,122 --> 01:03:15,457 shivering in the night. 885 01:03:15,541 --> 01:03:17,876 I say take those cats and skin them. 886 01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:21,797 Use their fur to keep hundreds warm. 887 01:03:21,881 --> 01:03:23,965 Jesus, Phil! 888 01:03:24,050 --> 01:03:26,134 And the winner is... 889 01:03:35,937 --> 01:03:37,229 Give me that! 890 01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:39,314 Ohh! 891 01:03:45,238 --> 01:03:47,489 - Not one move. - That barrel's cold. 892 01:03:47,573 --> 01:03:49,324 It's room temperature. 893 01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:54,037 It's okay. It's not the bomb. 894 01:04:02,630 --> 01:04:03,630 Jane? 895 01:04:04,131 --> 01:04:05,131 Jane? 896 01:04:08,010 --> 01:04:09,010 [POPPING] 897 01:04:09,095 --> 01:04:10,095 Jane? 898 01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:15,308 - Silver hair. - About 6'2. 899 01:04:15,393 --> 01:04:17,352 Looked like Phil Donahue. 900 01:04:18,187 --> 01:04:20,188 - That's the guy! - Get him! 901 01:04:23,025 --> 01:04:24,943 [PA] Ladies and gentlemen, 902 01:04:25,027 --> 01:04:28,572 please welcome internationally renowned singing star, Pia Zadora. 903 01:04:29,282 --> 01:04:31,491 You're walking along the street 904 01:04:31,576 --> 01:04:32,868 Or you're at a party... 905 01:04:32,952 --> 01:04:35,453 There he is! Stop him. 906 01:04:36,539 --> 01:04:39,708 Excuse me. Isn't that snot on your shoe? 907 01:04:41,210 --> 01:04:43,920 [MAN] I'll stay here. You check the wings. 908 01:04:44,046 --> 01:04:46,965 That this could be the start of something big... 909 01:04:48,801 --> 01:04:52,304 Oh, no! Not him again? Please, God. 910 01:04:52,847 --> 01:04:56,308 Who knows what's written in that magic book? 911 01:04:57,727 --> 01:05:00,020 But when a lover you discover 912 01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:01,813 At the gate, my friend 913 01:05:02,315 --> 01:05:06,276 Invite him in without a second look 914 01:05:06,527 --> 01:05:08,570 You're watching the sun come up 915 01:05:09,322 --> 01:05:10,322 Or counting your... 916 01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,822 Grab him! 917 01:06:03,042 --> 01:06:06,127 I'm Ed Hocken. This is Officer Nordberg. 918 01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:09,631 - We're here to prevent a disaster. - You're too late. 919 01:06:13,803 --> 01:06:15,804 You're watching the sun... 920 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,389 Frank! 921 01:06:17,473 --> 01:06:20,225 Or counting your money 922 01:06:20,851 --> 01:06:24,437 Or else in a dim cafe 923 01:06:24,730 --> 01:06:27,899 You're ordering wine 924 01:06:28,192 --> 01:06:30,735 Then suddenly there he is 925 01:06:30,861 --> 01:06:32,988 You want to be where he is... 926 01:06:33,072 --> 01:06:35,699 Come on, Nordberg. We've got to get Frank. 927 01:06:35,908 --> 01:06:37,200 The start of something 928 01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,828 This could be the heart of something 929 01:06:39,912 --> 01:06:42,247 This could be the start of something 930 01:06:42,957 --> 01:06:48,169 Big 931 01:06:57,513 --> 01:06:58,513 Ohh! 932 01:07:06,897 --> 01:07:07,897 Jane! 933 01:07:13,195 --> 01:07:14,195 Jane! 934 01:07:16,949 --> 01:07:20,827 I knew I'd bump into you. I want answers, cherry cakes. 935 01:07:20,911 --> 01:07:22,662 - I love you. - Wrong answer. 936 01:07:22,747 --> 01:07:25,331 I dropped out of the sap of the month club. 937 01:07:25,416 --> 01:07:28,209 Listen, you've got one last chance. 938 01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:32,380 And I don't mean a major league baseball Steve Howe last chance. 939 01:07:32,465 --> 01:07:35,300 - Where is Jane? - I don't know. 940 01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:38,386 - Where's the bomb? - In the Best Picture envelope. 941 01:07:38,471 --> 01:07:41,514 Mr Drebin, I want to go straight. 942 01:07:41,599 --> 01:07:44,225 I'm tired of the lies. 943 01:07:44,310 --> 01:07:48,188 Kiss me. Please kiss me. 944 01:07:48,272 --> 01:07:52,150 I've never kissed lips so innocent, so pure. 945 01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:15,507 He looked like Phil Donahue, white hair... 946 01:08:16,258 --> 01:08:18,676 - That's the guy! - I'll get him. 947 01:08:19,512 --> 01:08:22,138 [PA] Ladies and gentlemen, to present the Best Picture award, 948 01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:24,516 two most distinguished actors, 949 01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:27,685 Olympia Dukakis and James Earl Jones. 950 01:08:35,736 --> 01:08:37,362 Lord, what's that? 951 01:08:37,446 --> 01:08:40,448 Looks like Phil Donahue throwing up in a tuba. 952 01:08:40,533 --> 01:08:44,577 I don't think we should have Phil Donahue back next year. 953 01:08:44,662 --> 01:08:46,913 Thank you. Good evening. 954 01:08:46,997 --> 01:08:51,209 It's a privilege for us to present the final award... 955 01:08:51,293 --> 01:08:55,463 We've been worried about you. Where's Rocco? Where's Tanya? 956 01:08:55,548 --> 01:08:58,800 - Sit down. Take it easy. - Thank God you're all right. 957 01:08:58,884 --> 01:09:03,471 Indecent Instincts and Sawdust And Mildew. 958 01:09:03,556 --> 01:09:07,976 Every one of these movies was a box office hit, except for one. 959 01:09:08,060 --> 01:09:10,145 - What's that? - The Best Picture award. 960 01:09:10,229 --> 01:09:12,313 My money's on Sawdust And Mildew. 961 01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:14,482 Olympia, would you do the hon ours? 962 01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:17,402 Oh, my God! That's the one! 963 01:09:17,486 --> 01:09:21,281 The award for this year's Best Picture goes to... 964 01:09:21,365 --> 01:09:22,532 Wait! 965 01:09:22,741 --> 01:09:23,741 Oh! 966 01:09:23,826 --> 01:09:26,995 Sorry about this. Loved you in Coneheads. You, too. 967 01:09:27,079 --> 01:09:29,080 Let me open this. 968 01:09:31,333 --> 01:09:32,584 [BEEPING] 969 01:09:32,668 --> 01:09:34,085 It's the bomb! 970 01:09:45,222 --> 01:09:47,265 Freeze and nobody gets hurt! 971 01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:51,936 Well, from now on. 972 01:09:52,021 --> 01:09:55,023 Back in your seats, you little weasels! 973 01:09:55,107 --> 01:09:56,858 This programme's been interrupted. 974 01:09:56,942 --> 01:09:58,860 Don't panic. Stay with it. 975 01:09:58,944 --> 01:10:00,945 Camera 2, move in on the old lady. 976 01:10:01,030 --> 01:10:02,864 Better move back. 977 01:10:02,948 --> 01:10:06,534 - Don't move! - MA: Now, pay attention! 978 01:10:06,619 --> 01:10:09,704 I don't want to kill nobody unless I have to. 979 01:10:09,788 --> 01:10:12,749 Drop your guns and kick them over here. 980 01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:20,882 That bomb belongs to me. Hand it over, Drebin. 981 01:10:20,966 --> 01:10:22,884 You want to kill him, Ma? 982 01:10:24,303 --> 01:10:26,095 Blink and I start shooting. 983 01:10:32,937 --> 01:10:34,979 [FRANK] Give me that gun! 984 01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,609 - Oh, my God! - I'm not falling for that, sister. 985 01:10:44,949 --> 01:10:49,118 I'm not well! Get this stupid thing off me! 986 01:10:50,829 --> 01:10:52,664 Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! 987 01:10:54,875 --> 01:10:57,001 - Ma! - She's a goner, Rocco. 988 01:10:57,169 --> 01:10:59,754 Dead. Then that's it. 989 01:10:59,838 --> 01:11:01,965 I'm coming with you, Ma! 990 01:11:03,425 --> 01:11:06,344 Pull out the bomb or I'll shoot the dame. 991 01:11:06,428 --> 01:11:09,138 All right. I'll do what you say. 992 01:11:09,348 --> 01:11:11,182 - Frank! - Don't harm her. 993 01:11:11,684 --> 01:11:14,852 You pull out the bomb and you'll kill me anyway. 994 01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:17,397 - Yeah. No dice! - Then I'll plug her. 995 01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:21,109 - Shoot her, I'll empty the envelope. - Frank, think about it. 996 01:11:21,193 --> 01:11:23,569 It's all right. You'll be dead. 997 01:11:23,654 --> 01:11:25,697 Then you'll kill everyone here. 998 01:11:25,781 --> 01:11:27,615 Yeah. 999 01:11:27,700 --> 01:11:29,867 I'll shoot if you don't do as I say. 1000 01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:31,035 Jane? 1001 01:11:31,203 --> 01:11:33,288 I'd be safe, so would everyone else. 1002 01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:36,457 - But you'd be dead. - This is complicated, Rocco. 1003 01:11:37,793 --> 01:11:42,463 Logically, you're psychotic, so you have the envelope, I'll have the gun. 1004 01:11:42,673 --> 01:11:44,674 - Frank! - I know what I'm doing. 1005 01:11:52,057 --> 01:11:53,516 All right! 1006 01:11:55,561 --> 01:12:00,148 Here's your Best Picture! In front of the world, this place is going up. 1007 01:12:00,232 --> 01:12:03,401 Well, if I'm going out, I'm going out happy. 1008 01:12:04,820 --> 01:12:09,407 Wait. Before we're all blown up, can I get my underwear out of my crack? 1009 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:13,161 - I got to go comfortable. - Okay, but that's it. 1010 01:12:16,749 --> 01:12:20,543 - Give it up, Rocco. You're history. - Look, George Hamilton! 1011 01:12:23,964 --> 01:12:25,423 Come and get me, Drebin! 1012 01:12:28,385 --> 01:12:29,594 Throw me a gun! 1013 01:12:29,678 --> 01:12:31,512 Get rid of the bomb! 1014 01:12:31,597 --> 01:12:34,098 Hold on, sweetheart. 1015 01:12:35,768 --> 01:12:37,393 Frank, help! 1016 01:12:37,728 --> 01:12:39,354 - Frank. - I know what I'm doing. 1017 01:12:42,900 --> 01:12:45,360 [JANE] I hate heights! 1018 01:12:45,444 --> 01:12:47,111 Ohh! Oh, no! 1019 01:12:48,155 --> 01:12:49,697 Move it, sister! 1020 01:12:52,034 --> 01:12:53,951 Screw the commercials! 1021 01:12:54,036 --> 01:12:56,621 All right, copper, you killed my ma! 1022 01:12:56,705 --> 01:12:58,706 I'm taking the dame away from you. 1023 01:12:59,583 --> 01:13:03,669 You hear me, copper? One push and Mrs Drebin is linoleum. 1024 01:13:03,754 --> 01:13:06,839 Get a camera up there. This could be my best work. 1025 01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:09,342 Any last words before I throw you off? 1026 01:13:09,426 --> 01:13:12,887 - Yes. Don't do it. - Anything else? 1027 01:13:13,472 --> 01:13:15,723 Frank, I love you. 1028 01:13:15,808 --> 01:13:18,726 I want the world to know you're the perfect man. 1029 01:13:18,811 --> 01:13:20,978 Frank, I hope you can hear me. 1030 01:13:21,063 --> 01:13:22,688 They said I couldn't do drama. 1031 01:13:22,773 --> 01:13:26,651 I was wrong. Taking you away from Police Squad was a mistake. 1032 01:13:26,735 --> 01:13:30,279 I know now that's why you couldn't perform decent sex. 1033 01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:34,659 I realise that now, and other things. 1034 01:13:34,743 --> 01:13:36,994 Everything's under control. 1035 01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:40,832 Nobody move! Any vibration may set this thing off. 1036 01:13:42,418 --> 01:13:46,587 Frank, I've learned my lesson. And though it may be too late for me, 1037 01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:50,383 I want all you ladies to remember something. 1038 01:13:50,467 --> 01:13:52,927 Don't ever take your men for granted, 1039 01:13:53,011 --> 01:13:56,264 because good men don't just fall out of the sky. 1040 01:13:56,807 --> 01:13:57,807 Aah! 1041 01:14:01,270 --> 01:14:04,021 He's caught up in the cable! Do something! 1042 01:14:15,367 --> 01:14:16,993 I'm coming, Ma! 1043 01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:22,165 Rocco? 1044 01:14:23,333 --> 01:14:24,709 Papshmir? 1045 01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:38,639 Jane 1046 01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:42,310 - I never want us to be apart again. - Oh, Frank! 1047 01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:45,897 You like me. You really like me! 1048 01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:08,794 - Frank, slow down! - Hurry up! 1049 01:15:09,171 --> 01:15:10,630 Relax. There's time. 1050 01:15:10,714 --> 01:15:12,924 - You got the camcorder? - Here. Which room? 1051 01:15:13,008 --> 01:15:15,927 Delivery room. This must be it. 1052 01:15:16,595 --> 01:15:19,764 Jane, I'm here. Frank is here. 1053 01:15:19,848 --> 01:15:21,641 Push! Here it comes now. 1054 01:15:21,725 --> 01:15:24,185 Breathe, honey. Breathe, Jane. 1055 01:15:24,269 --> 01:15:26,187 One more push. That's it. 1056 01:15:26,271 --> 01:15:28,773 Congratulations, Dad. It's a boy! 1057 01:15:32,277 --> 01:15:33,277 Nordberg! 1058 01:15:33,570 --> 01:15:35,530 You come back here! 1059 01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:39,116 - Frank, it's a boy. - I know! 1060 01:20:06,760 --> 01:20:09,053 You're walking along the street 1061 01:20:09,304 --> 01:20:11,305 Or you're at a party 1062 01:20:11,598 --> 01:20:15,476 Or else you're alone and then you suddenly dig 1063 01:20:16,102 --> 01:20:18,729 You're looking in someone's eyes 1064 01:20:18,897 --> 01:20:20,940 You suddenly realise 1065 01:20:21,441 --> 01:20:24,652 That this could be the start of something big 1066 01:20:25,612 --> 01:20:29,990 There's no controlling the unrolling of your fate, my friend 1067 01:20:30,325 --> 01:20:34,161 Who knows what's written in that magic book? 1068 01:20:35,247 --> 01:20:37,540 But when a lover you discover 1069 01:20:37,833 --> 01:20:39,583 At the gate, my friend 1070 01:20:39,960 --> 01:20:43,838 Invite him in without a second look 1071 01:20:44,214 --> 01:20:46,382 You're watching the sun come up 1072 01:20:46,591 --> 01:20:48,801 Or counting your money 1073 01:20:48,969 --> 01:20:51,178 Or else in a dim cafe 1074 01:20:51,263 --> 01:20:53,430 You're ordering wine 1075 01:20:53,557 --> 01:20:55,850 Then suddenly, there he is 1076 01:20:56,017 --> 01:20:58,602 You want to be where he is 1077 01:20:58,895 --> 01:21:01,564 And this must be the start of something 1078 01:21:01,773 --> 01:21:03,899 This could be the heart of something 1079 01:21:04,150 --> 01:21:06,944 This could be the start of something big 1080 01:21:26,923 --> 01:21:30,301 You're watching the sun come up 1081 01:21:30,552 --> 01:21:33,971 Or counting your money 1082 01:21:34,097 --> 01:21:37,808 Or else in a dim cafe 1083 01:21:37,976 --> 01:21:40,811 You're ordering wine 1084 01:21:41,313 --> 01:21:44,064 Then suddenly there he is 1085 01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:46,984 You want to be where he is 1086 01:21:47,319 --> 01:21:50,237 And this could be the start of something 1087 01:21:50,363 --> 01:21:52,990 This could be the heart of something 1088 01:21:53,158 --> 01:21:55,784 This could be the start of something 1089 01:21:56,119 --> 01:22:01,415 Big